Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
