Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
