grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
