"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
