her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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