Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
