i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
