Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
