I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
