Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize