You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
