Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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