i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
