Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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