mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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