please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
