69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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