while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize