Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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