how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
