I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
