We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
