I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
