Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So many bounce houses so little time
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
