Moan for me like Helen Keller
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
