I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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