the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
