I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
