I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
