it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
