I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize