you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
