it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think i have herpe
just one?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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