tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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