I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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