I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
