Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
