I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
