just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
