I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
