i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
