Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
