You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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