There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
