Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
