kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
