I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
