she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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