Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
