Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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