i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
