her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Randomize
