you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
