Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
