so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
