I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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