I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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