Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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