No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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