If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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