I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Four minutes until I can fart!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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