she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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