Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
