How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
