Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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