Non-Jews are for practice
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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