evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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