so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
