I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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