So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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