look no pants
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
