I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
