i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
