I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
