didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
