its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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