Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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