i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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