Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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